My dad had a thing he did every time my siblings and I came back from school (college & boarding school). He would take the whole family out for lunch after church our first Sunday in town. Growing up, my dad enjoyed taking the family out for lunch on Sundays. He loved trying out new restaurants and then taking us there if the food was great, or he liked the vibe. I love that I got my love for trying out restaurants from him. I miss him so much.
Last week Sunday, I decided to take my mum and siblings out to a really nice place with great food. We talked about how much my dad would have loved it. O how he would have loved it. I love that I could do that for them.
My dad also loved coming home with snacks. He usually got croissants or cookies whenever he went to VI for his meetings or to cut his hair. I try to do that now. I find myself doing little things that make me feel more and more connected to my dad, little things that bring back the sweetest memories.
A pastor told my mum my dad’s spirit is with me. Well, he said “inside me” but really I believe he meant “with” me. I feel it. I think me being by my father’s side till he took his last breath is so significant, because I feel the grace of God my father enjoyed has been transferred to me. My life has taken a different form, and although major aspects of my life have been hit, through all the pain, anger, disappointment and tears, I am hopeful.
Four months without my daddy very soon, and I cannot believe it has only been four months. Such a short period of time to deal with everything I’ve had to deal with; but my head is still up high. My anxiety is through the roof these days, I have intense moments of existential crisis, and for many reasons I randomly cry before bed but one day it will feel okay, and I will be okay. I cannot wait.
Not sure who sees my posts, but I hope that anyone grieving right now is surrounded by love. My family and close friends fill me up with so much love, so so much love and that is truly one of the few things that give me strength every day.
Until next time. xo
