This may or may not be a heavy post, I’m not sure yet but lets get into it.
The moment my dad passed, while I was holding his lifeless body, shaking and screaming, my mum fainted, and everyone was screaming for me to come to her aid. I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared in my life.
I think that fear is one of the reasons I have handled life the way I have these last few months. Fear of losing my mother too. I cannot possibly imagine that.
A few days ago my mum and I were talking, like we do so often, about how strong we all have been. She admitted that she felt like her life was over, and I told her I saw it in her eyes the day my father died and I was determined to do everything in my power to make sure things didn’t feel impossible or hard without him.
Grief is a terrible thing. I’ve heard of people who die months after losing a partner, and for a long while I was terrified that that would happen to my mum. My mum said she realized that she has to live and be there for her children, we are her motivation, and honestly nothing makes me happier than seeing my mum everyday trying to be okay again.
I look at life so differently now, in a good way for the most part. In the grand scheme of things, nothing really matters, at the same time every single thing matters. Ultimately, it’s really about who you are during your stay here on earth. There are a lot things, beautiful things, I see in my future; but really it’s the beauty within me that I never want to let go of. I never want to lose myself to life occurrences, or to anyone. I am so determined to stay true, to be kind, to be free and be happy, because life really is short.
This season of my life is teaching me a lot about myself, my family and also the people closest to my heart, and honestly I am not as angry about that as I used to be.
(P.S if you ever stumble on any of my posts, I promise I know how to speak English, I just hate proof reading. )